Yesterday after work I went to my long-awaited appointment with my sleep study doctor.

See, a few weeks back I participated in a sleep study– wait. I shouldn’t say that. It makes it sound like I’m doing some sort of experimental study for the University. No, it was just simply an appointment to see why I have such trouble sleeping. They attached a slew of sticky disks with wires to my head, chest and legs, slapped a pulse ox on my finger, and told me to sleep. I had taken a pill to help me to sleep prior to my appointment (otherwise I’d have been up for hours, no “sleeping” for the study). I was out in sleepy land pretty quick. Until the nurse lady had to come in constantly to tell me I’d disconnected my pulse ox again, or a wire came out somewhere. Not helpful. Also, the mattress was hospital-like, with a cover made from some sort of water repelling material that makes your body sweat. And it smelled like urine.

Save all that – great night’s sleep!

I left and within a day they called to tell me that I’d benefit from a CPAP machine, and did I want to speak with a doctor, or did I want to just pick one up?

Hmm.

Speak with doctor, please.

A month later, here I am, in another waiting room. Instead of the urine stench, I was put in a patient room where the smell of cigarette smoke was so overpowering I felt as if it had seeped into my bloodstream and returned to the air through my pours. After the nurse checked me in, I couldn’t take it anymore and I threw myself in the hallway, requesting a new room. I get it; people smoke. I don’t get that it would leave a smell so lingering in that room. I was sitting there baffled. Where on earth was the overflowing ashtray hidden? The chair even reeked from the prior occupant.

A new room attained, I answered more questions and learned that I had some “episodes of apnea” during my REM stages of sleep. Besides weight loss, the only thing they really offered was a CPAP. Something that isn’t covered completely by insurance, and something I’d have to pay for. There is also weight loss, which can help (and which I’m working on — my brother-in-law needs a CPAP and he’s not a fatty, so that’s discouraging). At any rate, it wasn’t the most interesting appointment. I left feeling as if I had gone to the Geico of Sleep Study clinics, and have been offered but one solution: CPAP.

Maybe I’m stubborn and distrustful. OK. I’ll give that. But I’m not too thrilled about wearing that thing on my face, looking like I’m ready to pilot the next shuttle to the deep space. My goodness, I have enough trouble forcing myself to wear my biteguard for the horrific teeth-grinding issues I have, let alone strapping on a face mask with a nose hose. Claustrophobia? You betcha!

Last night, though, Frank encouraged me to give it a try, even if it was going to cost us some money. If it helped, it would be completely worth it.

I’ll think about it.

I started on Tuesday… no, Monday. Started on Monday? I don’t know. I think I started yesterday. At any rate, I’m in. Just for the fun of it, why not? Generally I wash my face with plain old water. Some days I wash with honey, some I use an olive oil/salt scrub to exfoliate. But usually, just water.

I’ve used honey in my conditioner, on my hair as well. Honey is a fun thing. I like it on my face better than I like it in my tea.

One thing I would add to the directions of the honey challenge is to use a little water. If you just rub honey on your face you’re going to be pulling and stretching your delicate skin, daring it to start sagging on you prematurely (or more than it already is). So, put about 1-2tsp. of honey on your hand, turn the water on and add splash to your hands, THEN rub your hands together; massage onto face. Rinse. Pat dry. The water thins the honey making it slip. Better on the face, in my opinion. If this weren’t a honey-only challenge, you might want to get all fancy and thin your honey with some milk.

Milk and honey. Mmm. Doesn’t that sound good? Or even some cream? Divine.

Why try homemade deodorant?

Because I’ve struggled for years to find the “right” deodorant. Because I’ve tried “natural” ones and they never made the cut. Because I don’t like the idea of slathering chemicals on my skin constantly. Because I am a product slut. Recovering, that is.

Armpit Profile

Commonly used: Dove, Secret, Arm & Hammer, Sure. Tried Tom’s; gave me itchy rash. Tried it again; same thing.

Sweaty, but not overly sweaty.

Concerned with odor, but it hasn’t cramped my lifestyle.

Shave? Occasionally. Winters, rarely. My pits are sensitive and I’m not a priss about having clean-shaven pits.

Homemade Deodorant Recipe Used

This is the recipe I started with. It is a common-found recipe on the internet. Search long and hard and you’ll find all kinds of variations and recommendations.

5 Tbsp. coconut oil
1/4 c. cornstarch (alternative – arrowroot powder)
1/4 c. baking soda
Optional: Essential oils. I couldn’t quite tell you the percentages because it was not precise.

The CCO (coconut oil) has a low melting point, so if you make this in summer, you might not have to even put it in the microwave. I made it after the temperature in my house was above the melting point, so I needed to put in in the microwave, briefly.

I stored mine in a small lotion container after frantically searching for something, anything to keep it in.

Findings

Day 1: Not bad. Enjoyed whipping up the concoction. I added essential oils to mine (lavender, mint and a splash of patch – one of my favorite combos). I had to find a little container to put it in, but next time (if I decide there is a next time), I’m going try an empty deodorant bottle; easier application. Being the eager beaver I am, I had a hard time waiting for this to harden, so I put it in the fridge. I recommend melting your CCO and then putting it in a plastic cup or something to mix the rest in. I wasn’t fond of cleaning up the hardened deodorant out of my measuring cup. No biggie, though. So Day one – fine. Lasted all day, through grocery shopping, running errands and the like. Sniffed my pits as often as I could remember to, just to check. Can’t complain. No stinging or anything from the application because I don’t shave on a regular rotation when it’s cold out. One less thing to do, and my armpits don’t really like to be shaved constantly.

Day 2: Normally on a day I don’t shower, I wipe my armpits with my sleep shirt before throwing it in the wash. I do this to get rid of the old deodorant. I’m telling you this because it matters, so stick with me. This morning when I did this, I felt as if I had actually rugburned both of my armpits. It burned for a good 3-5 minutes. I think it is fair to say that I will not be doing that again (update: I still do this with no problem – I think it was a transition thing). Grabbed my little tub of deodorant and rubbed it on my pit, as I would a regular stick. CCO has a very low melt point, so it immediately started to warm and melt. I didn’t do my second pit that way, but instead shaved a bit off the top of the mound of deodorant with my fingernail and put it on my other armpit just like lotion. Simple. Not too exciting. But, yet, very exciting! I am a product junkie. Trying these things makes me happy.

I lasted through Day 2, no need to reapply or anything. A couple moments where I wondered if I was burning, and then contemplated the baking soda (salt) and wondered if it was too harsh for my skin. But then the burning was gone. Imagination? Who’s to say. No pit smell, though, but some lovely faint whiffs of my essential oil concoction. I can’t believe this is working. Haven’t told the husband about it yet, because he’d use it all up on me, guaranteed.

Day 3: It is interesting to note that in the shower, I didn’t have to de-spackle my armpits. You know how you have a layer of film that holds on to dear life when you use regular deodorants leaving a stale, old-sweat/perfume smell? It’s like a waxed ski, but it is your armpit. Well, this doesn’t do that. In fact, as routine, I went to scrub my pit and ended felt like I had rubbed it raw. I didn’t realize it at first and then I thought, hmm. I don’t need to scrub the living goodness out of my pits to remove deodorant residue! OK. Score one for homemade deodorant. Again, though, even in washing, my armpits felt sensitive. I don’t know if that is an adjustment thing or what. I know my pits are sensitive, because so many times they’ve itched from different deodorants, I can’t shave them constantly or they itch and sting. I reapplied my pit cream. Love the smell. Feels fine. No complaints or smell today, and I had a busy day at work and at home. I got a few whiffs of the deodorant itself (which I like), but no odor. I came home and cooked up a storm, sweating like a beast, and… no pit smell. No sweaty smell. Interesting. Continued happiness with the stuff.

Day 4/5: Yesterday as I was reapplying my deodorant and I noticed some redness on the outsides of my armpits. I’d also noticed some itching that day, but didn’t realize the redness. Today I awoke to itchy armpits. This isn’t exactly an anomaly for me. At other times when I’ve used Tom’s or “natural” deodorants, within a few days I was beginning to get itchy. I wonder if there’s some sort of withdrawal from the antiperspirant.

Slight gap here. Continued use, less-frequent writing about it.

2 1/2 Weeks: Well. I am still using a version of homemade deodorant. But here’s the thing. It was a battle. After that 5th day, I started to get dark and itchy in my pits. It scared me, the darkened skin, and for a day, I switched back to Secret. One day was all it took for me to remember why I quit using that gunk in the first place. Regardless, I had relapsed, but I also started to peel. Like, sunburn-ish, dry skin, dead skin – I don’t know what it was, but I peeled. At first it scared me, but then it intrigued me. I started to wonder if I was going through a transition phase of sorts. I mean, for years and years I’ve used traditional deodorants. They toil with your sweat glands, playing games with the way your body naturally works. I figured there had to be some sort of revolt from the body. Maybe this was it.

So, I championed through the deterioration of my armpits. Instead of worrying that my armpit was falling off my body, I rubbed and exfoliated the skin, revealing fresh, new, happy pits. Maybe it was old deodorant residue that came off. I don’t know. Maybe never will. But I haven’t experienced that again since. I did read that the baking soda can be harsh on the pit region, and that some people just can’t deal with it. So, one thing I did do mid-trial is I ditched the baking soda to see if that helped. After showering, I’d rub a bit of the CCO in my pits, and then dust them with cornstarch. Worked like a charm. No smells, no residue, no itching, really (sometimes I think there is a bit of itch if you get sweaty, but nothing worth crying over).

Noting this, I made a new batch of deodorant (ratio I will enter in later, too lazy to run upstairs and see) of cornstarch, CCO and a smidgen of the original batch with the baking soda. I put in an old prescription bottle. I’ve been using it for about a week, no complaints.

BOTTOM LINE: Seriously, the smell, if any, is less using this basic homemade recipe than it was using store-bought deodorants. I’ve done all kinds of vigorous activities that you’d think would leave me smelling like a lumberjack. I can’t think of any complaints. I’ve been self-conscious and checked on more than one occasion, but nothing really to report. The couple times I’ve felt stinky (and I’ve felt stinky with the store-bought kind), I reapplied and was all good.  Honestly though, I don’t care if I get slightly stinky after a work out. Can you say normal? I’d much rather, at this point, use something that is basically benign than smearing the skin by my breasts and lymph nodes with a stick of chemical wonderland. Again, I love, love, LOVE the clean removal. No residue. I can’t see myself going back to regular antiperspirant anytime soon, but it has only been a month, and it is not summer. I’m hoping that in the warmer months or on an incredibly active day, I’ll only need to reapply or dust with a little more cornstarch to keep drier.

It’s easy to set up and pretty easy to use. Or… it appears to be. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with mine, but it does have one challenge: it runs backwards. So like, when I’m doing the soccer thing, if I want to go at a ball that is on my right, I lean left. Is that normal? ‘Cause it’s making my brain work too hard. I couldn’t even do the table-top thingy with the ball. I felt like I was going to melt my own brain trying to make my body do the opposite of what my brain was instinctively wanting it to do.

But, that’s only day 1. So far I learned that:

• my Wii Fit age is 45 (I thought it would be 65)
• and I’m obese (nothing new). It was kind of cute when the little stick figure suddenly packed on some girth, as the BMI radar hit the roof. The boys were defensive, telling me that I was not obese. How sweet.
• that I do not “outweigh” the board (it wasn’t until I got it home that it dawned on me that the board might not like people over 150 pounds – but guess what fellow fatties?! – the Wii Fit balance board weight limit goes all the way up to 330 (I guess that’s as high as it officially counts)

I’m actually looking forward to Day 2 and being a penguin again, eating more fish. That was probably my favorite so far.

Words?

Sal, after his first day at boxing camp. The boys, who all wrestle, are also interested in boxing (don’t get me going on this one — even though Frank boxed as a kid, I’m not down with it). Uncle Bob, Frank’s brother, offered a week-long boxing camp to Carlito, who turned it down (big talker), Franny’s still healing, and Dante is at an intense wrestling camp. Sal decided to do it.

He came home the first day with a burger and a malt (grandpa’s treat), fell to the ground sweaty and exhausted, almost too tired to take his wraps off. He said he was “done” with boxing. Too hard. Not going back. He’s now on day 3.

Until today.

And now that it happened, there behind me lay a memory trail of same-day experiences from years past.

I got to bed late last night, for starters. Two hours before my alarm went off, I woke twice because Franny’s splint had come clean off of his leg. The body and brain has an amazing way of waking itself up as best it can, but me trying to wrap and replace while ripping imaginary cobwebs from my brain was not optimum circumstances for mommy-nurse.

The alarm jolted me from my cozy slumber, but I got up to make sure the kids were up, dressed and fed, then I plopped on the couch, dozing on and off. My hope was to get them off to school, Franny situated, and take a light hour nap. But as I asked Franny for the umpteenth time, Do you need ANYTHING? Food? Bathroom? Anything? – he finally agreed that yes, he was ready for breakfast, bathroom and basically keeping me on my toes all day.

Forget the nap!! Ha.

So I made us eggs, waffles and blueberries and decided to get on with my day. I scrubbed the bathroom floor and toilet, threw a load of laundry in, changed his wrappings and fixed his splint, answered emails, did some work from home… all the while with a nagging urge to munch, munch. Two cups of coffee down the hatch I went into work for an hour while my mom watched Franny. Munched trail mix on the way.

Ate dinner tonight even though I had been grazing all day and really didn’t need the calories. And half-way through my second small helping of noodles, my mind flashed back to the articles I’d read about overeating and its relation to not getting enough sleep.

Bingo.

My appetite was insatiable, all day long, even with a happily fed tummy. I’ll have to remember that as I tuck myself in later than I should each night.