My finances are a hot mess. I’ll admit it. With some family crisis going on as of recent, all I could think about was getting through the day. I never thought about balancing the checkbook. And now I’m definitely paying for it.

As much as it sucks to be so low on funds that you have to cash in your little piggy jar stash to pay for your fat cat’s urinary track testing and medicine, it sure was nice to have that jar available. With the $80 that was in it, we were able to get some gas, have a lunch date (I’ll admit, a bit frivolous, but husband and I needed that), pay for the meds and have a couple bucks leftover. But literally, when those dollars were gone, we had NADA. Nothing.

That’s not a good feeling. And as I pondered how we literally had nothing, I thought more about how much we owed. Credit cards, student loans (who I’ve been fighting off for years),  home equity loan… I realized that we had less than nothing. Negative nothing, if that’s possible. I had to own up to it a bit. Suck it up, eat some crow. Stop burying my head in the sand. Stop making excuses, be more responsible.

I’ve been flirting with being financially responsible. Hopping on that wagon. Reading. Dipping my big toe in there, but not committing. But I need to. I’m groused out by the fact that I’m thirty-fricken’-four and I’m no better off than I was at twenty-four. A wee bit more responsible, but not credit card free (I was for a few months there), and not with savings on hand (had it for a bit).

This week I’m looking at my Overspending Triggers (feel free to hop in on that thread and list your own), seeing as it is Thanksgiving week and I’m hosting and I KNOW I tend to overspend when hosting. But I’m not going to worry about that right now. Today I need to cash my check. I need to think about where and how I’m going to spend it. I’ll report back.